Trent Green almost positive the guys in Dolphin helmets are in fact his teammates

OK, so Trent Green has no idea who his teammates are.

Israel Gutierrez of the Miami Herald reports:

"He mentioned Chris Chambers. He got out Ronnie Brown's name. Then he went to Lorenzo Booker, a third-round draft pick who hasn't yet played a down for the Dolphins.

"And then there was a long silence. The type of uncomfortable, blank pause that can be explained by the fact that he had only been a Miami Dolphin for less than 24 hours at the time, but still was hardly an advertisement for a Dolphins offense that is supposedly poised to be turned around by first-year coach Cam Cameron."

The first few guys he named off the top of his head were Ronnie Brown -- OK, fair enough. He's the face of the offense -- and Lorenzo Booker? The third-round rookie running back. (From the conference transcripts: "Then you look at some of the young guys, Ronnie Brown and Lorenzo Booker they brought in. Did I say that right? Is it Lorenzo? Lorendo? Lauren? He's on the team, right? Lauren Booker. Like I'm not just making this up? Ah, hell, what's it matter. Hey, anybody see how the Dow did today?")

Is it just me or does anyone else think Trent caught yesterday's article while sweeping Miami's sports pages during an evidently short Dolphins 101 course?

Check out the Sun-Sentinel's transcription of the press conference here. Like all press conferences involving a new Dolphin quarterback, some reporter was bound to ask "How's it feel to try to fill Marino's shoes?" and Green's response was similar to that of the 10 QBs before him -- "Well, that's a great honor."

To be interpreted as: "You guys are still asking this question, huh? What is it...nearly a decade since his retirement? Well, what do you think? Oh yeah, it's a great honor. Kinda like having your head placed in a guillotine."

Green Traded to Phins

Well, I'll be damned. Trent Green's a Dolphin. The Sun-Sentinel is reporting that Green has officially been traded for a 2008 fifth-round pick that could become a fourth-rounder if he dominates, which is ... not to be completely cynical here but ... highly unlikely.

That Ol' Carl Peterson. That ol' stubborn curmudgeon got the Phins to yell "Mercy". Kudos, Carl. You ol' sonofagun.

Here we go. We got our potential opening-day starter. Though our "plan" was completely unconventional in that we're...eh...what?... a few days from the second mini-camp?

Our QB depth chart now looks like Green, Lemon and Beck. I would advise John Boy to not get comfortable on the bench. Something tells me he'll see some action whether Green performs well or not. As far as C-Pep, his fate with the Dolphins appears grim. I'm sure we'll be hearing a lot more of him in the next week or so.

OK, back to Green. He's 36. He nearly got his head taken off last year, and now he's running the show for a team that's gone through 10 QBs since Dan the Man (May I add, The Tan) left. Green's working with a revamped line that's been in the rebuilding stages since Moses parted the Red Sea, but this new, young, draft-built core should be the foundation for years to come. Apparently, teammates love the young cats and their work ethics. Granted, this means nothing to Green, who probably won't be around in two years anyway, but, hey, at least we're bringing in some new blood at a position that has desperately needed it.

For Chambers, Green is an obvious upgrade from Harrington, so I would assume he'll get some deep balls this year. Then again, we say this every year. Don't we?

I say, Great. Suit him up, and let's get started. Just keep Greeny from running out of the pocket, Cam.

Do You Want Trent Green? Circle "Yes", "No" or "Maybe"; and the Retirement of a Columnists Cliche

Remember back in seventh grade? You liked the popular girl who played soccer, but you didn't know where you stood so you told one of her friends with hopes that she'd find out (she did), and then maybe give you a call (she didn't), so you both pretend to not acknowledge each other's existence for a few weeks, and then you call her bad names to your buddies during an R.L. Stine reading session and her Nancy Drew-reading accomplices overhear your remarks, tell your soccer-playing crush about it, and the whole deal goes to hell.

Yeah, that's pretty much how the negotiations are going between the Chiefs and Phins over Trent Green.

Each day brings more news. Today's involves the Chiefs not returning Green's agent's calls. Way to play hard to get, Carl. You're playing this whole scenario like a champ, really. I mean holding out for a fourth-rounder when Miami's not budging on a sixth is genius. Pull out all the stops, Carl. You've got the Phins in the palm of your hand. Surely, they'll trade for Green, right? It's not like they drafted a quarterback that will probably be starting by week three anyway, with or without Green. What the hell, dude, shoot for the stars -- demand a second-rounder.

On a side note: I hereby announce a bold, new initiative to eradicate the term "journeyman" when attributed to quarterbacks. From here on out, we'll refer to traveling QBs unable to hold a job with one team for at least two years as "ass clowns".