Longest Post Ever

Dammit, has it been a long season in the life of a Dolphins fan, and after an extended leave of absence from this blog, it's time to tighten the belt and shuffle on. Last time we spoke, the Phins were days away from being completely and comically dismantled by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Then God sent a miracle in the form of a complete Heinz Field washout, and Miami still couldn't muster enough offense to overcome a measly three-point deficit. Then the Jets, not exactly New England Jr., stockpiles somewhere in the realm of 5,000 yards of total offense and puts up 40+ on us. Loss number 12. 

Then Buffalo hangs 24 points in the first quarter, Beck forgets what he does for a living, and, by the time the Phins hit the field with Cleo, I was already in stall #2 seeing the effects of plate number three from the buffet line. Ironically, my contribution to the Township Grille's restroom turned out to be the perfect metaphor for the Miami Dolphins 2007 season.

This week, we're hearing more and more about Cameron's inefficiencies as coach and, most of all, the divide between he and his players. Other than the occasional "We're at rock bottom now" quote from Keith Traylor and, oh yeah, the fact the Phins haven't won a game, there was little to indicate that Cam wasn't getting along with his team. Jason Taylor finally spoke out, and it seems likely the rest of boys will follow suit. These next three weeks will be full of speculation on the future of Cam Cameron as head coach. Players don't like him. Fans hate him, but Huizenga, reportedly, likes him. We'll see how much that opinion changes if the Dolphins fail to win a game. Personally, I think the guy is screwed -- the goat in a long line of botched personnel and careless roster moves that he had nothing to do with. 

Fact of the matter is this team has little talent outside of Ronnie Brown and Taylor. Allow me to get sidetracked and rant a little... Samkon Gato. What the shit? How is he getting starts? Will he be with the team next year or taking offers from CFL teams?  I wouldn't be taking such issue with this if we didn't have someone like Lorenzo Booker, a quick rookie with great hands and plenty of guessing as to why in the hell he doesn't play more. On the saddest team in the NFL -- and possibly the worst team in NFL history -- management has decided it's not in the team's best interests to play Booker but instead... Samkon "Remember those few good games I had when I played for Green Bay?" Gato. This begs the question, "Why the F#$# are we not starting Booker?!" It's a question that not even the Dolphin beat writers have gotten a logical answer to. Amongst the myriad questionable coaching moves, this one irks me the most. 

Back to John Beck, Cleo Lemon and the most pathetic QB controversy by far. Did I like the fact Beck was pulled against Buffalo? Pretty much. Obviously, he was shook, scared stiff. Another part of me would have liked to see him stay in and maybe, and this is a huge maybe, turn it around despite an embarrassing first few series. But, alas, his poor play did enough damage to secure a seat on the bench for Sunday's game against Baltimore. I get it -- Miami needs that first win and Lemon, clearly, is the best option. 

Is there anything to be excited about this Sunday? Simply put -- not really. Baltimore has lost seven straight games, and because of that, the Phins are expected to have a slight chance. I take that to mean they'll hang tough for the first quarter, and then settle into their usual roll-over-and-die role. 

With all this said, all this woe-is-us talk, I'm cool with it. Honestly, I'm excited to see what happens, what young talent we bring in. Huizenga, despite the growing number of frustrated fans who are calling for his head, is a great owner. Period. He wants to win; we can never fault him for dragging his feet to better the team. 

Ted Ginn, who upon his selection sent every fan into a cuss-filled tirade, looks promising from my point of view. I look forward to watching him improve. Ditto for Beck, Satele and the rest of this year's draft class. 

Bottom line is: Root for your team. Don't be a bitch.

Miami Dolphins: Best Winless Team Ever.

Hey, geeks. Hope these two statistical insights numb the pain a little.

Two reliable sources with a deep passion for triangles and wacky, pretentious math formulas have confirmed that, contrary to the fact that the Phins haven't come out victorious in nearly one full year -- Miami is the best 0-10 team in NFL history.

Nice. High-five...no?

Ricky to Start

Strange. Armando says Ricky will start at Pittsburgh tonight, but so far, no one else is reporting this story. Seeing as though this is pretty big news I would assume at the very least that ESPN would pick up the story, but nothing as of yet. Add to my skeptism the fact Mando broke the news via his blog -- not exactly the first place I'd go with the scoop of the week, but hey, what the hell.

With a Ricky start we can go ahead and say so much for Cam being a stickler for good behavior. All that squeeky-clean garbage doesn't put notches in the win column. This guy is desperate. A five-time offender of the league's drug policy? Nah, no problem. You're our guy.

Way to represent the organization. You're all class, Miami.

Bullshit.

Ricky's Reinstated

Ricky's back. What this means to the Dolphins, no one knows.

I like the guy; I can appreciate his ideals and hope he gets himself figured out. In terms of the team, he's nothing but a headline. Most fans are holding out for some storybook return with numbers reminiscent of 2002 or '03, but he's done with the Dolphins. Deal with it.

Cam has been rather mute regarding Ricky, and following the Fred Evans release, I was curious to how long Cam would drag out a decision on Ricky. If Cam is, in fact, a stickler for solid off-the-field behavior, then RW would be idling on the waiver wire by now. Considering the Phins will be set with running backs NEXT SEASON (Ronnie, Chatman and Booker?), there's really only one reason to string Ricky along -- trade bait.

He's continually been brought up in trade speculation, but, honestly, I can't see how Ricky could have any trade value at this point. Drug and personal issues aside, he's 30 and hasn't played in two years. In the best-case scenario, Ricky's worth a sixth or seventh rounder, maybe.

With all this said, Ricky's career isn't over. Mortenson mentioned the Pats as a possible suitor for RW, and, damn, would New England be a great place for him to succeed. Keep in mind he went to rehab in Boston...whatever that means. Forget I said that.

Miami and Heartbreak are Like this... (crossing my fingers)

Like a lot of my usual Internet reading material from October, I missed this.

I thoroughly enjoy Pro Football Reference's work, and I encourage any insight-seeking football fan to check out their blog.

Call Out Boy

If Belichick is truly fueled by "Spygate", and that appears like a completely legitimate consideration, I can only imagine what kind of destruction he'll dish out on the Dolphins come December 23. This coming after Don Shula's suggestion that the 2007 Pats' season be marked by an asterisk. This isn't some random jab from the incessantly quotable Jay Feely or one of the jack-offs from the 1972 team; this is Grandpa Dolphin himself, one of the best coaches in sports history. I can understand all the hub-bub but can't help but think of Belichick hearing this news, turning to his coaches and asking in hushed, calm tones: "What do you think? 60+? Let's crack 70 against these clowns."

Merry Christmas, boys.

Devil's Advocate: Beck or Lemon?

Contrary to common sense, Cleo Lemon will get the start against Buffalo and delay John Boy Beck's quest for world domination. Conventional wisdom says now is the time to throw the rookie in and let him take his licks, and I can't disagree with that. I realize that stating the majority opinion does little for debate, so to make things interesting, I'll play devil's advocate. Here's the voice of the majority:

"Cleo Lemon isn't our future starter. Beck is."

That may be the case, but consider that Lemon is 28 and Beck, the rook, is 26. So, how should one define "future"? Five-years worth of production? Six? Seven? Truth is, it SHOULD be an open competition. The only reason Beck is considered the "future" is due to his second-round status, and the obvious fact that he hasn't played yet. Imaginations are running wild. Beck jump-starting the offense. Beck to Ginn. Beck to Booker. Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! It's all a wonderful, orgasmic dream. But consider that the team's HUGE issue this season is not with the offense or the quarterback or, thank God, the offensive line. If our defense played with half the production as last year's unit the Phins could be at .500 or even better (Key word here is "could").

"This season's over. Play Beck. What's there to lose?"

I'm thinking Cam is sticking with Lemon not because of his play "giving us the best chance to win" or because "Beck's not ready" or any other press conference banalities. Let's cut the s&%$ here. His job will be at stake if he gives the offense to Beck and he struggles...like bad...like Heath Shuler bad. There's so much more at stake than a couple wins this season. For Cameron, disappointing play from Beck -- his guy, the QB he waited to get -- would only reflect on Cam's inability to evaluate talent (And, boy, has that been a problem for the Dolphins). He didn't make friends drafting Ginn over Quinn, and judging by the response he got for that pick, we can only imagine what the public outcry would be if Beck falters. The safest and, I'll admit, wussiest of moves would be to play Lemon, which is exactly what Cam's doing this week.

"Why not play them both -- platoon style?"

Sure, it's not a "future" move, but at the very least it gives Beck some playing time. The only problem is Cam would be pussy-footing around the issue, getting his toes wet before jumping in head first. If Beck is, in fact, the "future", give him the job...the whole damn thing. Make a choice and stand by it. That's what any good, er, marginally OK, er, considerably underperforming coach would do, right?

"BECK ISnt PLAYNG becuze HEs a bust! Fire CAmORON!!!"

Typical mindless banter from the fairweathers. Next.

"Roethlisberger dominated in his rookie season. How do we know Beck can't do the same?"

Logical point. If I remember correctly Big Ben was No. 2 on the depth chart his rookie season and only saw action when Tommy Maddox went down. Who knows what would have happened if ol' Tommy didn't break down. Sure, we also lost our starter to injury, but Beck is currently No. 3 on the depth chart for a reason -- he's a rookie, the Dolphins offense isn't exactly "run ten steps and break left", etc. Plus, comparing Roeth to Beck isn't exactly apples to apples. Least we forget that Pittsburgh's success in 2004 didn't ride solely on Ben's arm. The Steeler defense ranked No. 1 that year. Currently, Miami's defense ranks worst in points allowed and has contributed in approximately ZERO wins. Beck won't be our Big Ben this season.

If this Dolphin season continues down the path to SuckTown -- and there's really no reason to believe that there will be a change of course, the Phins will secure a top-3 pick. BC's Matt Ryan or whoever will get a long look, but this team has far too many needs than quarterback -- serious secondary help, d-line, receivers...Hell, we could use just about anybody. If Miami is playing for the future, management needs a solid assessment of Beck's play. Hesitating too much longer on a decision to play Beck might buy Cameron some time as coach, but it most certainly doesn't get us any closer to finding out who is best fit to run the Dolphin offense.

Wildness from Yahoo!

Two HUGE pieces of news to address from former Herald reporter and current Yahoo! sports writer -- Mr. Jason Cole.

First off, undisclosed "sources" tell Cole that John Beck will get the start against Buffalo on Nov. 11. I'm not seeing anything as of yet from the Miami papers. If true, this is great news for Dolphin fans and Mormons everywhere. Congratulations, boys. Seriously, though, I pinned a John Beck start by week 5. Week 10 ain't bad. Lemon isn't the future, blah blah blah, and seeing that the Phins will most certainly have a top 3 pick in next year's draft, Cameron and Co. would be stupid to not consider drafting a QB. Eh. It hurts my stomach to write that sentence. I like this idea. Let's go with it.

And, finally, this Nagasaki nugget of speculation: "Source: Parcells could be in Dolphins mix". Read that headline again. And again. Think about this scenario. Ridiculous or realistic? I don't even know what to make of this.

Chambers. Gone.

Finally, some great news in an otherwise horseshit season of football. Chris Chambers was traded to the Chargers today for a second-round pick, and I'm so damn ecstatic I felt inspired to actually post.

I've said time and again that Chambers isn't nearly the receiver he ought to be. I'm sure he'll do just fine in San Diego, and chances are, he might just put up phenomenal numbers and become Player No. 133 to be nixed from the Dolphin line-up and succeed elsewhere. So be it. I hope he does well. He sure as hell wasn't doing much in Miami. Whether his mediocre numbers are a testament to shitty quarterbacks and coaches, well, then OK, fine.

Norv Turner. You're on:

"He's a very consistent player and he has big-play ability," Turner added.

Nice coach-ese, Norv. Consistent? Chris Chambers. Consistent. Not really seeing it. Whatever you say, Norv.

Anyway, What's another five seasons in Miami doing to do for his career or for the team? Nada, especially considering the fact that this year's team is somehow worse than the 2004 squad, that Trent Green has had more rides on a fucking gurney than wins as a Dolphin. You remember the '04, right? They went 4-12, and the 2007 Dolphins are WORSE. HA!

The next obvious question that has to be asked is this: What now for Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas? How can they both NOT demand a trade after Chambers' departure? I say, if they demand a trade, Randy Mueller has to listen and, as tough as it would be, make the move.
(I realize this is completely contradictory of my past comments made toward other fans who suggested trading Taylor and Thomas. Blame it on my naive thinking that the Phins could turn it around. Fuck it. Let's clean house.)

They get what they paid for Chambers; Hagan and Ginn will get their throws, and, most importantly, management has actually come to terms with the fact that, yes, this team blows and changes are in order. Not minor changes either. More like, "You're excess baggage. See Ya" changes. Thank God the time has finally come.

Hey, Let's be Nice

When there’s no good news, it’s difficult to muster up enough drive to post on the Nice, but, shit, might as well.

My absence here was planned. I didn’t want to talk about Culpepper or the unending speculations on Ricky Williams’ future, injuries to Tillman, Holliday, possibly Crowder, the stagnant offense, the “hapless” defense, the “low point of the franchise”, “fire Cameron”, burn down the city, leave it in ashes, etc. etc.

But, dammit, at least Ronnie Brown looks sharp. Wouldn’t ya know, you have to give him his carries in order to determine whether he’s a bust or star.

Here’s some other positives and nice-ities to build from:

Cam Cameron means well. Ditto for the rest of the coaching staff.

Trent Green tries to be a marginally effective quarterback.

Ted Ginn, Jr. can run reallllllyy fast, and the fans love him.

Joey Porter is a fierce competitor.

Jay Feely exudes some real fire, which, in turn, translates to plenty of post-kick high-fives. Righteous!

Will Allen loves puppies*.

Samson Satele and Reagan Mauia love their mothers because they’re both Samoans, and, as reported, Samoans are family people and very wise.

The Dolphin defense leads the league in heart.

Wes Welker is too dangerous, so it’s a good thing he’s not on the team anymore.

OK, mull over the above list for the next few days and you’ll be cool as a cucumber for the first five minutes of the Houston game. See you in the loss column.

* Probably, but not likely

Skolnick on Beck

A great, level-headed column from Ethan Skolnick today on John Beck's future as our starter. Though our season is most likely in the tank and the thought of throwing the new guy into the starting role sounds appealing, doing so could do more harm than good. I tend to agree. Let Green finish out the season. John Boy's time will come, fellas.

Thomas may be out for Sunday

Concussions. Never has bruising one's brain been such a hot topic this NFL season, and amidst talking-head ramblings I was curious as to how Zach Thomas was holding up in the concussion department. His latest may keep him out of Sunday's game against the Jets.

On a side, I'm still trying to comprehend Joey Porter's contribution to the story:

"When you have a concussion or something, a new mouthpiece always fits tighter and you get a better grip on it," Porter said. "He had a mouthpiece, but he just wanted another one. A brand new one is harder. The old one, you tend to chew on it, and you wear it out a little bit."

I guess it's a football thing.

Good Question, My Good Man

In his latest, Salguero presents an interesting question:

That's top-ranked as in No. 1, as in 45 points good against the Giants in the season-opener, as in having scored six touchdowns in one game.

How long will it take the Dolphins to score six touchdowns this season?

Let's seriously consider this. I'm set the line at Oakland (Week 4).

Where Charleston Heston and Cam Cameron are Similar

Because of "The Man", I didn't see the Washington game and hence didn't notice this:

Come the NFL's opening weekend, Atlanta, Dallas, Green Bay, Indianapolis, Jersey/A, Miami, Minnesota, New England, Philadelphia and Tennessee regularly lined up in a shotgun spread, even on rushing downs.

This is from a Tuesday Morning Quarterback column on the popularity of the shotgun spread on the collegiate and pro levels.

I will never pretend to be overly knowledgeable in the x's and o's of the game, and honestly, I'm more concerned with which cornerback our quarterbacks will complete a pass to rather than where our QBs are lined up. So I'm curious as to whether more shotgun sets are part of Cam's guru-dom, the only logical solution to a swiss-cheese offensive line minus execution (Literary, like shooting them), or both.

Did we line up in shotgun regularly with the "F Brothers" (Frerotte, Fiedler and Feely. I know, how clever)? I'm inclined to say no.

Kevin Everett

To hell with rivalries. You don't wish these kinds of injuries on anyone, and word of Kevin Everett's improved prognosis sparks a peculiar touch of Bills pride in me.

Great news here, boys.

Belichick Denies Cheating, Admits to Possessing a 'Black Heart and Deep Hatred of the Human Race'

What to make of this...

How long has New England been stealing signals? Belichick, you sly mother f$#$er.

Saban Confirms Ties to Al-Qaeda?

All right, cool. Some drama that really isn't.

Nick Saban reportedly sent letters of thanks to his former Dolphin players, including Ronnie Brown. Apparently I'm the only guy who thinks this was merely a kind gesture, a harmless thanks to his former players and not some attempt to distract the team from its first game without him.

On a side note: It never ceases to amaze me the amount of Saban-haters who resort to personal, subjective and horribly misspelled and punctuated tirades when addressing anything Nick "Satan", as if the guy personally did them wrong, like, set fire to their houses or slit their dogs' throats.

Consider this comment from "Ted":

"I hate Nick Saban. I hate that man with a passion. He is no better than the child molesters, spousal abusers, rapists, murderers, and terrorists of the world. That's how much I hate Nick Saban. Go away, Nick!"

Congratulations, guys. You're fucking idiots.

Shock and Awe

Brace yourselves, folks. This headline is sure to surprise you.

Other timely, insightful column headlines to look forward to:

"Saban was a bad coach"
"Culpepper didn't impress in '06"
"Jesse Chatman is fast"
"Zach Thomas isn't as tall as other LBs"
"Jason Taylor is pretty good"

Thoughts

Here we are just days away from the regular season opener against Washington and the beginning of a glorious 12-4 season. No? All right, let's get realistic...11-5.

I don't care how bad the Phins are projected to be, it's September and, damnit, nothing can get me down...except for maybe LJ Shelton being named starting right tackle. Yeah, that's a bummer. And in broader sense, the offensive line sucking...and Trent Green...Chris Chambers...they're question marks, too.

...

Hakim was released (smart move) along with others. The final preseason game was a bore. Reagan Mauia will be our starting full back, freeing up a spot on the roster for Patrick Cobbs, and Joey Porter is participating in practices.

I'm having a look at Omar's Over/Unders for the Dolphin season, and I'm shocked at the number of commentators who have the team pegged for the over in wins, which is set at seven. Wishful thinking? I'm going Push...a 7-9 season is OK in my book. Looking into my magical crystal ball here (on-sale at Target), I see John Beck taking the starting job sometime late in the season, getting us back to .500 with his overachieving play, leading fans to believe that Beck is the Savior, and then throwing a total of 10 INTS in the final two regular season games. Fans will then spend the next six months of the off-season debating John Boy's leadership and decision-making skills. Management will address this aura of doubt in the off-season by signing Vinny Testaverde, who will in turn be our starting QB in 2008.

Seriously though, that whole "QB of the future" nonsense is just a polite way of subliminally communicating to Green that he best not put this season in the shitter or John Boy's taking the reigns.

And lastly, from the same Sun-Sentinel blog:

"So, can Ginn Jr. outperform McDuffie, who averaged 23.6 yards on kickoffs, 11.3 yards on punt returns with two touchdowns, and catch 19 passes for 197 yards."

The fact that we're even questioning if Ginn -- the No. 9 pick in the draft, in case you forgot -- can put up those kind of numbers is...what's the word...(voice from the other room)..."laughable and infuriating?" Yeah, that sounds about right -- laughable and infuriating. Yet, I will remain optimistic that Ginn will aid in getting us into the damn end-zone.

A Kneeslapper

Typical. The first play that I witness via NFL.com's play-by-play is a John Beck interception. Hysterical. I'll post some thoughts on the game tomorrow evening.

Hey, Jason Allen's got two tackles. Nice.