First Post of '08

Nearly everyone coach associated with the 2007 Dolphins season was canned this week, including Cam, and Jeff Ireland will be our new GM. Cam first. Honestly, Cameron's chances of retaining his job didn't look too good when he was left out of all discussions involving Parcells. Well, that and only earning one win. I figured he'd get another shot, and, no, not because Bobby Knight is pals with both Parcells and Cameron. Seriously, nearly every prognosticator mentioned Knight as the reason why Cameron would keep his job, as if that f#$ing mattered even a little bit. As far as Ireland goes, cool. I got to read up on the guy.

Things are moving quickly, and it appears this will, in fact, be a truly exciting offseason. Lots of picks, $25 mill in cap space, Chad Johnson to Miami? (A steal or Joey Porter Part II?) Tony Sparano is said to be the leading candidate for the head coaching job, but I'm a little disappointed Jason Garrett isn't mentioned nearly as much. A former coach in Miami, a young, Parcells "guy" -- it sounds perfect.

Posts will be sporadic for the time being, which, considering the pace Parcells is dealing with things, doesn't speak well for my dedication. Deal with it, Rubberneck.

Chambers. Gone.

Finally, some great news in an otherwise horseshit season of football. Chris Chambers was traded to the Chargers today for a second-round pick, and I'm so damn ecstatic I felt inspired to actually post.

I've said time and again that Chambers isn't nearly the receiver he ought to be. I'm sure he'll do just fine in San Diego, and chances are, he might just put up phenomenal numbers and become Player No. 133 to be nixed from the Dolphin line-up and succeed elsewhere. So be it. I hope he does well. He sure as hell wasn't doing much in Miami. Whether his mediocre numbers are a testament to shitty quarterbacks and coaches, well, then OK, fine.

Norv Turner. You're on:

"He's a very consistent player and he has big-play ability," Turner added.

Nice coach-ese, Norv. Consistent? Chris Chambers. Consistent. Not really seeing it. Whatever you say, Norv.

Anyway, What's another five seasons in Miami doing to do for his career or for the team? Nada, especially considering the fact that this year's team is somehow worse than the 2004 squad, that Trent Green has had more rides on a fucking gurney than wins as a Dolphin. You remember the '04, right? They went 4-12, and the 2007 Dolphins are WORSE. HA!

The next obvious question that has to be asked is this: What now for Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas? How can they both NOT demand a trade after Chambers' departure? I say, if they demand a trade, Randy Mueller has to listen and, as tough as it would be, make the move.
(I realize this is completely contradictory of my past comments made toward other fans who suggested trading Taylor and Thomas. Blame it on my naive thinking that the Phins could turn it around. Fuck it. Let's clean house.)

They get what they paid for Chambers; Hagan and Ginn will get their throws, and, most importantly, management has actually come to terms with the fact that, yes, this team blows and changes are in order. Not minor changes either. More like, "You're excess baggage. See Ya" changes. Thank God the time has finally come.

C-Pep is Donzo

Culpepper is officially a goner. He referred to his release as a "victory" and waxed Ghandi to reporters.

How excited we once were to have C-Pep in teal and orange, and now he leaves quietly after four games of production, one of the bigger disappointments in my days of Dolphin fandom. In hindsight, what a terrible waste of a second-rounder, but, damn, it would have been nice if he healed up quicker.

Peace, God. One.

Campbell Canned

Wide receiver Kelly Campbell got canned on Friday, which is a little surprising considering a number of Miami reporters (OK, maybe one or two) had been real impressed with his play during mini-camps. Some even said he was one of the better players in camp. Welp, smell ya later.

With Campbell nixed, that leaves Hagan, Az-Zahir Hakim and Ted Ginn the frontrunners to fill out the depth chart. Ginn isn't even close to touching the No. 3, according to reports, and Hakim is...a former Detroit Lion.

Ya think this move sticks Hagan in behind Chambers and Booker? It sure seems like it.

Evans Cut, Heads to Bar

Yikes! Cam didn't waist any time on his decision to axe Fred Evans, who was recently arrested for being awesome. I give credit where credit is due: Cam doesn't want clowns on his team, and I applaud the move. I'm left to wonder how this situation would have played out with WannStache or Saban. Chances are Evans would still be employed.

Given Evans's brush with the law and his subsequent release, it will be interesting to see what happens with Ricky. If Cam was such a stickler for good behavior, Ricky would be gone by now.

"Big Daddy" Gets Lost, Shames Tim Bowens' Old Number

One day after Father's Day, the Dolphins ripped up "Big Daddy" Wilkinson's contract. Ironic?

The move currently leaves the Phins with little depth at defensive tackle. It's difficult to speculate on how much the 34-year-old would have contributed if he didn't go into hiding like a mob snitch. He surely wouldn't have had a spot on the front four, that's for sure. Least we forget that he accounted for a whopping 13 tackles last year. Let's not start shedding tears for this loss.

Culpepper to Dolphins: "WTF, i thougth we were freinds :("

This week's quarterback overhaul is filled with about as much drama as a high school dance, and, as expected, Daunte took out his frustrations on Dolphins management (via e-mail, no less) after he learned he would be traded. Not so fast, says Mr. Culpepper. Pulling an "I Quit" before hearing "You're fired", he is now "aggressively" demanding to be released.

First, let's look at Daunte's choice of adverbs. "Aggressively" is too, well, aggressive. If he wants out as badly as he says he goes -- and on to greener football pastures like Detroit or the CFL -- he might want to scale it down a bit. May I suggest "casually" or "calmly" or be a sweetheart and ask "politely". Or if you want to pull at management's heart strings, go with "regrettably" or "mournfully" or "sadly" or even make one up -- "disappointfully".

Now he has called out the Saban administration (sort of) for being "impatient" in his recovery.

'I must say the impatience the organization displayed in both encouraging me to rush back on the field last year and then rushing me out the door this year is disappointing,'' Culpepper said in an e-mail. ``However, I understand that they have the right to make that business decision. It is now my turn to make some decisions.''

C'mon now, big guy. You wanted back on the field more than anyone. Do you not remember your televised interview with Suzy Kolber last year, when you told us of your speedy recovery through bright smiles? How you proudly donned a Dolphins visor and told America that there wasn't a better fit than Miami? That you would be ready for the season opener?

Saban has been blamed for a lot of things (OK, a ton of things), but, in my opinion, Culpepper's under-performance shouldn't be one of them. In a sense, it's no one's fault. All the blame falls on that damn knee of his.

Yet, he's on the practice field this Friday morning. Oh wait, check that. He's done already.

Yes, seeing Culpepper kicking stones on his way out of town will be a sad sight, especially since Miami was supposed to be his place of resurrection, his soapbox to yell out, "How do you like me now?" to the doubters. Maybe he can pull it off somewhere, and knowing our luck, that wouldn't surprise me a bit.