Ricky's Reinstated

Ricky's back. What this means to the Dolphins, no one knows.

I like the guy; I can appreciate his ideals and hope he gets himself figured out. In terms of the team, he's nothing but a headline. Most fans are holding out for some storybook return with numbers reminiscent of 2002 or '03, but he's done with the Dolphins. Deal with it.

Cam has been rather mute regarding Ricky, and following the Fred Evans release, I was curious to how long Cam would drag out a decision on Ricky. If Cam is, in fact, a stickler for solid off-the-field behavior, then RW would be idling on the waiver wire by now. Considering the Phins will be set with running backs NEXT SEASON (Ronnie, Chatman and Booker?), there's really only one reason to string Ricky along -- trade bait.

He's continually been brought up in trade speculation, but, honestly, I can't see how Ricky could have any trade value at this point. Drug and personal issues aside, he's 30 and hasn't played in two years. In the best-case scenario, Ricky's worth a sixth or seventh rounder, maybe.

With all this said, Ricky's career isn't over. Mortenson mentioned the Pats as a possible suitor for RW, and, damn, would New England be a great place for him to succeed. Keep in mind he went to rehab in Boston...whatever that means. Forget I said that.

D-NiceNess Weekend Recap: Arrests and Polygamy

I just returned from a nice little Sabbatical to Pittsburgh, a trip fueled by scores of ballpark beers, old friends and a terrible Pirates team shut out by Woody Williams. But that's neither here nor there. I've since caught up on the latest Dolphin happenings.

Here's what I find either worthwhile, entertaining or both:

Man, the Dolphins are getting more criminal by the day. That's what I thought to myself when I read the headline "Campbell Drug Charges Put Dolphins Atop NFL Arrests". This after I laughed uncontrollably and attempted to chest bump a fellow library visitor (He denied my request...that jerk off). Seriously, I was only kidding when I said I wanted to see more Dolphins getting arrested. Apparently, Campbell's drug use and NOT his assumed love of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and patchouli is what led to his release.

Incidentally, Joey Porter was dinged 100 Ger for jacking Levi Jones in the kisser, but he was not suspended. Perfect. Nicely played.

Second-round pick and future hopeful John "Boy" Beck has officially signed with the team, and, in celebration of his signing, every man in Utah has added four more wives. Kudos, boys. At least when those white-shirted gentlemen show up on my front door pedaling the Book of Mormon, there's a slight possibility they'll be donning Beck replicas.

The Sun-Sentinel blog is full of training camp happenings that are updated quite frequently. For now, this is close as I get to witnessing the orgasmic thrill of 7-on-7 drills and "Reggie-Roby like skyscraping punts". God, I can't wait for the season to start.

I think Dan Le Batard is a major tool box. His writing is fine and dandy, but it's usually so f#$#ing smug that I feel compelled to write him a short, two-word e-mail. Something like "Kill Yourself", "Eat Me"or the always-effective,"You Suck". Add to that his PTI appearances -- where, to me, it seems as if Le Batard's only goal is to convince the world he doesn't actually suck but is merely a huge boner. His latest column got under my skin because (1) it's Le Batard writing about the Dolphins, (2) he uses a forced analogy involving scorned lovers, and (3) he's so f#$$ing right it makes me ill. Damn you.

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged

Let's not judge Chris Chambers after his latest arrest. I agree. DWI is a serious offense, but he wasn't officially over the legal limit, and overall he's kept his proverbial nose clean throughout his career. Let's not judge him for that.

Let's judge Chris Chambers for being possibly the most overrated player in the game today and unable to "harness" all that talent we've been hearing so much about.

I don't want to come off as a Dolphin hater here. I like Chambers and route for him even when he's sucking, which is about 85 percent of the time. My skin just crawls when I read some variation of "Chambers is a talented receiver, although he hasn't always had the production to match his talent".

After seven seasons, let's stop sugar-coating it. It's possible that Chambers might suck. Gasp! His '05 campaign might have been a fluke. E-Gads! Maybe he's not a No.1 guy? Noooo!

Chambers Arrested, Heyoh!

I was gonna go out on the town last night, but I audibled at the last minute. If I would have not wussed out, I might have witnessed Chris Chambers getting arrested for DWI, speeding and reckless driving, which would have been both cool and a drag simultaneously.

This is Dolphin arrest No.3, and I'm getting giddy. My boy and yours, Joey Porter being the first and Fred Evans being numero dos. That means we need about a half-dozen other incidents and the Dolphins will sneak into Bengals Status. Good things are on the horizon for this team. I can feel it.

You, and by you I mean me, might remember my call for a Rapsheet Dolphin team. Hell, I'm so ready for more arrests I went ahead and made "Rapsheet Dolphins" a separate category. You think I'm being sarcastic, don't you? Well, you're absolutely right.

Driving While Impaired doesn't count. Speeding? Not impressed. Reckless Driving? We'll talk. Public Intoxication? Meh. Disorderly Conduct? I'll take it 9 times out of 10. Assault charges (discounting sexual assaults. Let's be slightly civil)? Yes, yes and yes.

Guessing Game

This is always fun. Let's play "Which one is Fred Evans?"

Looks strangely familiar... From 2Live Crew, right? No? Next.

I think this guy works at the Panera Bread across the street from my apartment. Don't quote me on that. Whoever this guy is, he looks guilty. Next.

Who am I trying to kid? Fred Evans doesn't wear Hawaiian shirts... Next.

Ah, there you are, gorgeous.

Evans Cut, Heads to Bar

Yikes! Cam didn't waist any time on his decision to axe Fred Evans, who was recently arrested for being awesome. I give credit where credit is due: Cam doesn't want clowns on his team, and I applaud the move. I'm left to wonder how this situation would have played out with WannStache or Saban. Chances are Evans would still be employed.

Given Evans's brush with the law and his subsequent release, it will be interesting to see what happens with Ricky. If Cam was such a stickler for good behavior, Ricky would be gone by now.

Evans Pulls a Bonnie; Cameron Wants Tougher Team Image, Urges Players to Punch Randoms in Face

I'm breaking some of my personal rules for Dolphin Niceness. First, I tried to not criticize sports writers when I disagree with their views. That lasted a few weeks. Today, I'll break rule No. 2 that states: Don't talk about an athlete's personal life or reference silly comments blown out of proportion.

With that said, Fred Evans got tanked, yacked in cab and was arrested. Well, hell, that happened to all of us St. Bonaventure Bonnies. No big deal. Then he got the taser. Now there's speculation that the defensive tackle could be cut or earn a time-out from Goodell, seeing as he was already on probation.

Though far from a starter, Evans was considered to be one of the few Saban-era draft picks making some serious improvements at a position we are currently lacking in talented youth. With our projected '07 starters being recently re-signed Keith Traylor and Vonnie Holliday, who will be 38 and 32, respectively, we're desperate for young guys. Though it's insanely idiotic to speculate on the '08 draft, we'll most certainly devote a couple picks to the defensive line. Then again, after Ted Ginn, Jr., I will no longer expect anything from the Miami Dolphins in terms of draft picks.

Anyway, I'll admit, my first thought of Evans's lightning ride was, "Sweet! I'm liking this rap sheet Dolphin team." First Porter, now Evans. Please, for the love of John Smith, will the Dade County Sheriff's department please find John Boy Beck drunk in an alley somewhere. Will Ronnie Brown please get arrested for punching a club bouncer? Could Channing Crowder please get a disorderly conduct charge for calling a police officer a "pube"? Please.