The Holy S#$T News of the Year

Bill Parcells to Miami? Just a few hours after ESPN reported on Parcells' likely deal with the Atlanta Falcons, a deal that would put him in as head of football operations, the Dolphins have now jumped into negotiations.

From ESPN as of 4:22 p.m., Wednesday:

Parcells turned down the position, Falcons owner Arthur Blank said Wednesday in a statement. Blank said the team had an agreement in principle with Parcells, but after he told the Falcons he was considering an offer from the Miami Dolphins, negotiations fell through.

Sources close to Parcells told ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli that Parcells and the Dolphins are in active negotiations and are closing in on a deal.

And this...

Dolphins spokesman Harvey Greene declined comment, saying the organization does not discuss rumors.

"Really?" defensive lineman Vonnie Holliday said when told by The AP about Parcells' apparent interest in the Dolphins. "You can't control it. But somebody like the Big Tuna, regardless of who's in the front office or who's not, brings a lot of respect and a lot of credibility with him. He's a Hall of Famer. If you're a free agent out there, that might draw you in."

Parcells is not in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

The story broke as many Dolphins were playing cards and dominoes in the locker room after practice, and instantly, many of them began turning heads toward the televisions scattered about the room.

It didn't take long for even the mere mention of Parcells to create a buzz in Miami.

"I have a lot of respect for what he's been able to do in other places and I'd expect, if he did come in here, for him to do the same," Holliday said. "I don't know what's going to happen upstairs. I have no idea. I have a lot of respect for [GM] Randy Mueller, as well. But my interest is in what's best for this team and getting us in the right direction."

To you, tortured Dolphins fan, I say, "Holy F. S."

Taylor Gets Lei'ed

AHHAH!!! Get it?! Hawaii, Pro Bowl? It's a play on words regarding the sex!!

Jason Taylor made the Pro Bowl. High-five, bro. While some d-bags questioned your leadership, heart and dedication, you went about your business and proved to us yet again that you are by far Miami's only talent on defense. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't exactly say much, but you get my drift. This despite sharing the field with teammates better suited in fetching you a post-game burger. This despite taking orders from someone who should be working under you. 

Nice work out there, fella.

Good talk. 

Count it

At work... Sunday, sometime around 3:45 p.m.

Me (away from computer, television, reality) : "What do we got on the Dolphins game?"
Coworker (computer boy): "16-13, Dolphins. Ravens driving."
Me : "#%#$"

(Five minutes later)
Me: "Where they (Ravens) at?"
Coworker: "Third and goal."
Me: "#$%"
Coworker : "Fourth and goal."
Me: "Nice."
Coworker: "Overtime."
Me: "I'll take it."

(Five minutes later)
Me: "Yo?"
Coworker: "Ravens at mid-field and driving."
Me: "#$#"

(Two minutes later)
Coworker: "Missed it!"
Me: "#$#!!!"

(Three minutes later)
Coworker: "Touchdown Miami."
Me: "@#$ you!"
Coworker: "Greg Cama...Cama."
Me: "Camarillo? Holy @#$!"

This is how I got the news following the Dolphins first win of the season. Yahoo's LiveTracker: BAL 16, MIA 22. Greg Cama-f#$ing-rillo with a 64-yard TD catch and run. Dramatic? Yes. Tear-jerking? Absolutely. Slightly embarrassing? Of course. But, c'mon, you heartless pricks, look at this picture and tell me you don't get a little teary-eyed. Huizenga's crying his eyes out in his suite; Cleo Lemon and Cam Cameron are participating in some man-love at the 50-yardline and some Dolphin players are openly laughing at the Raven's secondary. Win number one. This all capping a week in which Huizenga was reportedly taking offers for the team, then not taking them, and now he's willing to sell a minority stake. That's a whole other post.

The old adage says "A win's a win." Truth. We'll take it. Now enough of the opher talk.

Going into Sunday's game, as each previous week taught me, expecting anything more than a thorough ass-kicking was asking too much. Even with Baltimore's then six-game losing streak, Miami's chances were still slim. Hell, their chances in overtime were slim, but, dammit, what a performance from Cleo Lemon -- 300+ yards through the air, a touch and no picks. Yes, we're a Jeff Stover kick away from our 14th loss, secondary looked shakey, no running game -- same old problems. However, we got the win, and I for one will take it. Add to the handful of positives a decent game from Lorenzo Booker -- 6 catches, 60 yards, a few carries -- certainly not the reason for the victory but if Sunday's win was any indication of Booker's future role on this team, he'll most certainly be a much-needed punch to the offense. Terry Kirby v2.0?

Speaking of improvements, has their been a more improved player on our defense than Michael Lehan? Wait, you ask, didn't you just say the secondary had/has issues? Yes, it does -- specifically Travis Daniels. Lehan, though, has played quite well (emphasis: not "great", "well") at the nickel spot, and assuming the kind of roster moves to be made in the offseason, I'd expect him to stick around for another season. Lance Schulters and Cameron Worrell? Not so much.

Next up is New England. Yikes.

2008 Draft

A topic on Armando's blog has everyone speculating on the Dolphins' plans for next year's draft. Let's face it, this is what we have to look forward to, and there are already a ton of suggestions -- some valid, some space-cadet.

Armando suggests, given Miami's decade-long string of bad luck in replacing Marino, the Phins have to get quarterbacks in the draft, like, first-round pick. This got me thinking. Everyone has us pinned to take Glen Dorsey, the d-tackle out of LSU, and that sounds great. We need help at the position, but I'm a little leery of taking a DT at pick one. Sounds silly in my book. 

So just how nuts would it be to take a QB in the first round? Well, first off, if management says to Hell with Beck and goes QB at pick one, they'd be making the single dumbest and most laughable move a team could make. The thought of Brohm, Ryan or Brennan with pick one makes me nervous due to the fact that it's so silly I could see Miami doing it. Most agree, though, that the aforementioned QBs aren't top-five worthy. 

Others say Darren McFadden, and being the college football dummy that I am, I figured he was a back capable of lining up in the slot -- for a lack of a better comparison, a Reggie Bush type. On the contrary, he's a horse. (I realize I'm not exactly pulling a Mel Kiper here. I'll never pretend to know the college game, but I'm simply stating my embarrassingly weak, first-grade knowledge of college prospects. Got it, sweet Charlie?) It's an enticing scenario, but no. Running back is taken care of.

Which brings me to this: If there is anything to indicate that Dorsey or Long or who-the-hell-ever is NOT a 10+ year veteran candidate, trade down. McFadden will be a nice bargaining chip for the Phins, and given Adrian Peterson's overwhelming success this season, I think most teams with a need at running back will spark some trade talks. 

From there, sure, if a quarterback is available, I wouldn't be upset with drafting another. With that said, there are so many other needs to address -- offensive and defensive lines, wideouts, corners and safeties -- that "fixing" this team with one draft class is damn near impossible.

touché

Yeah, about all that Lorenzo Booker noise from yesterday...

... looks like he will, in fact, get more playing time.

 

Well then, good! 

Longest Post Ever

Dammit, has it been a long season in the life of a Dolphins fan, and after an extended leave of absence from this blog, it's time to tighten the belt and shuffle on. Last time we spoke, the Phins were days away from being completely and comically dismantled by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Then God sent a miracle in the form of a complete Heinz Field washout, and Miami still couldn't muster enough offense to overcome a measly three-point deficit. Then the Jets, not exactly New England Jr., stockpiles somewhere in the realm of 5,000 yards of total offense and puts up 40+ on us. Loss number 12. 

Then Buffalo hangs 24 points in the first quarter, Beck forgets what he does for a living, and, by the time the Phins hit the field with Cleo, I was already in stall #2 seeing the effects of plate number three from the buffet line. Ironically, my contribution to the Township Grille's restroom turned out to be the perfect metaphor for the Miami Dolphins 2007 season.

This week, we're hearing more and more about Cameron's inefficiencies as coach and, most of all, the divide between he and his players. Other than the occasional "We're at rock bottom now" quote from Keith Traylor and, oh yeah, the fact the Phins haven't won a game, there was little to indicate that Cam wasn't getting along with his team. Jason Taylor finally spoke out, and it seems likely the rest of boys will follow suit. These next three weeks will be full of speculation on the future of Cam Cameron as head coach. Players don't like him. Fans hate him, but Huizenga, reportedly, likes him. We'll see how much that opinion changes if the Dolphins fail to win a game. Personally, I think the guy is screwed -- the goat in a long line of botched personnel and careless roster moves that he had nothing to do with. 

Fact of the matter is this team has little talent outside of Ronnie Brown and Taylor. Allow me to get sidetracked and rant a little... Samkon Gato. What the shit? How is he getting starts? Will he be with the team next year or taking offers from CFL teams?  I wouldn't be taking such issue with this if we didn't have someone like Lorenzo Booker, a quick rookie with great hands and plenty of guessing as to why in the hell he doesn't play more. On the saddest team in the NFL -- and possibly the worst team in NFL history -- management has decided it's not in the team's best interests to play Booker but instead... Samkon "Remember those few good games I had when I played for Green Bay?" Gato. This begs the question, "Why the F#$# are we not starting Booker?!" It's a question that not even the Dolphin beat writers have gotten a logical answer to. Amongst the myriad questionable coaching moves, this one irks me the most. 

Back to John Beck, Cleo Lemon and the most pathetic QB controversy by far. Did I like the fact Beck was pulled against Buffalo? Pretty much. Obviously, he was shook, scared stiff. Another part of me would have liked to see him stay in and maybe, and this is a huge maybe, turn it around despite an embarrassing first few series. But, alas, his poor play did enough damage to secure a seat on the bench for Sunday's game against Baltimore. I get it -- Miami needs that first win and Lemon, clearly, is the best option. 

Is there anything to be excited about this Sunday? Simply put -- not really. Baltimore has lost seven straight games, and because of that, the Phins are expected to have a slight chance. I take that to mean they'll hang tough for the first quarter, and then settle into their usual roll-over-and-die role. 

With all this said, all this woe-is-us talk, I'm cool with it. Honestly, I'm excited to see what happens, what young talent we bring in. Huizenga, despite the growing number of frustrated fans who are calling for his head, is a great owner. Period. He wants to win; we can never fault him for dragging his feet to better the team. 

Ted Ginn, who upon his selection sent every fan into a cuss-filled tirade, looks promising from my point of view. I look forward to watching him improve. Ditto for Beck, Satele and the rest of this year's draft class. 

Bottom line is: Root for your team. Don't be a bitch.