Guessing Game

This is always fun. Let's play "Which one is Fred Evans?"

Looks strangely familiar... From 2Live Crew, right? No? Next.

I think this guy works at the Panera Bread across the street from my apartment. Don't quote me on that. Whoever this guy is, he looks guilty. Next.

Who am I trying to kid? Fred Evans doesn't wear Hawaiian shirts... Next.

Ah, there you are, gorgeous.

Evans Cut, Heads to Bar

Yikes! Cam didn't waist any time on his decision to axe Fred Evans, who was recently arrested for being awesome. I give credit where credit is due: Cam doesn't want clowns on his team, and I applaud the move. I'm left to wonder how this situation would have played out with WannStache or Saban. Chances are Evans would still be employed.

Given Evans's brush with the law and his subsequent release, it will be interesting to see what happens with Ricky. If Cam was such a stickler for good behavior, Ricky would be gone by now.

Brady Quinn Q&A

If you're into self torture and/or kicking yourself in the balls, read Ethan Skolnick's latest Q&A with Brady Quinn.

After the surprise and supreme disappointment wore off, I'm now content with Ginn and John Boy and have been sober for 18 days. (applause)

I would have personally subbed out the magazine cover questions with some prodding:

Brady, on a "Surprise" scale from 1 to 10 -- 1 being the equivalent of finding a parking space in close proximity to the front doors of Target; Ten being equal to walking in on your girlfriend having sex with a dog -- How surprised were you that Miami passed on your good looks and questionable arm for a punt returner with a bum ankle?

If you were to murder Terry Shea, which weapon would you use: a knife, chainsaw, ratchet or your bare hands?

Evans Pulls a Bonnie; Cameron Wants Tougher Team Image, Urges Players to Punch Randoms in Face

I'm breaking some of my personal rules for Dolphin Niceness. First, I tried to not criticize sports writers when I disagree with their views. That lasted a few weeks. Today, I'll break rule No. 2 that states: Don't talk about an athlete's personal life or reference silly comments blown out of proportion.

With that said, Fred Evans got tanked, yacked in cab and was arrested. Well, hell, that happened to all of us St. Bonaventure Bonnies. No big deal. Then he got the taser. Now there's speculation that the defensive tackle could be cut or earn a time-out from Goodell, seeing as he was already on probation.

Though far from a starter, Evans was considered to be one of the few Saban-era draft picks making some serious improvements at a position we are currently lacking in talented youth. With our projected '07 starters being recently re-signed Keith Traylor and Vonnie Holliday, who will be 38 and 32, respectively, we're desperate for young guys. Though it's insanely idiotic to speculate on the '08 draft, we'll most certainly devote a couple picks to the defensive line. Then again, after Ted Ginn, Jr., I will no longer expect anything from the Miami Dolphins in terms of draft picks.

Anyway, I'll admit, my first thought of Evans's lightning ride was, "Sweet! I'm liking this rap sheet Dolphin team." First Porter, now Evans. Please, for the love of John Smith, will the Dade County Sheriff's department please find John Boy Beck drunk in an alley somewhere. Will Ronnie Brown please get arrested for punching a club bouncer? Could Channing Crowder please get a disorderly conduct charge for calling a police officer a "pube"? Please.

Enough About the "UK Game"

I typically refrain from pointing out the blunders of a columnist's opinions, no matter how completely asinine they may be.

However, I will venture from my stance to flame one Greg Cote, who wrote a completely idiotic, over-the-top, cry-cry-cry, "Hopefully I can win some fans over with this piece" column on Miami's scheduled "home game" in London later this year. Maybe it's because I'm not a season ticket holder, but how is this not a good thing for the NFL, the Dolphins and the Giants? We lose a home game and suddenly we're concerned about its playoff implications? It cheats local fans?

"The NFL's allegiance should be to its teams' local fans, and the league should not pander to a global market at those hometown fans' expense."

We're talking about one f$%$#%^ing game, you clown! A game that will be seen by thousands of fans who would otherwise never see their favorite teams live. You obviously didn't share when you were little.

"The NFL playing a serious game in London makes about as much sense as the European Cup soccer championship being held in Milwaukee."

Wow, really? Take it away Sun-Sentinel: "The London game is clearly a popular ticket in Europe: fans snapped up the first 40,000 tickets that went on sale last month to fans who pre-registered at nfllondon2007.com." Poor attempt at a comedic comparison.

"Supposedly the Dolphins have many serious fans throughout the United Kingdom?"

Seeing as I just made reference to the fact that 40,000 TICKETS HAVE ALREADY BEEN SOLD, yes, we could conclude that there are at least a few fans overseas. That's something to be proud of, not subject to blind criticism.

"Well here's a novel concept then: Let them come here."

An idiotic, ignorant statement that could be chastised in a number of ways.

There. All better.

I completely understand the concerns and gripes from South Floridian Phin fans, but enough already. Come Oct. 28, the Dolphins will play in front of a true sellout crowd, not rows of empty orange seats.

From one Dolphin fan to those in the U.K., I say, enjoy the game.

Say Cheese

Hey, congrats to Trent Green for having his picture on the Web version of USA Today's front page. Unfortunately, our new starter's pose is far from flattering and exudes minimal leadership qualities. I kid, I kid. He's an asset to this team...just so long as he's not, well, on his ass.

"Big Daddy" Gets Lost, Shames Tim Bowens' Old Number

One day after Father's Day, the Dolphins ripped up "Big Daddy" Wilkinson's contract. Ironic?

The move currently leaves the Phins with little depth at defensive tackle. It's difficult to speculate on how much the 34-year-old would have contributed if he didn't go into hiding like a mob snitch. He surely wouldn't have had a spot on the front four, that's for sure. Least we forget that he accounted for a whopping 13 tackles last year. Let's not start shedding tears for this loss.

Monday Dolphin Fodder

Take this for what it's worth, but Peter King of SI has generated his list of the top 32 QBs in the game today. King is quite arguably THE voice of the NFL. I'm not real sure what that means specifically, but, hell, I think it's safe to say his opinions hold a little more weight than, say, Sean "I Guarantee it" Salisbury.

Anyway, according to his own slightly questionable research and number crunching, King places Trent Green at 24. Scanning over the various criteria, the categories seem like logical barometers of performance... except the "Intangibles" column. Tell me, how does one possibly place a numerical value on intangibles? This also irked the guys over at Fire Joe Morgan.

Let's thank him for setting Green's expectations real low. Like the old man says, "If you don't expect much, you can't be disappointed."

Also: Typically, Fanhouse articles usually measure at least a 6.5 on my "Bullsh$# Meter", but this article made me laugh: Culpepper to Green Bay? Not because it sounds like complete nonsense. For all I know, it could be true. It's funny because I can only imagine the look on Aaron Rodgers' face when he hears this kind of news. Poor guy.

Ah Yes, Tony Bua (takes hit of cigar). I Remember Him Well

It was the worst season of Dolphin football that we can remember -- the 2004, "AJ Feeley back to pass, picked off, and there goes (name a defender... any defender) the 50, 40, 30..." season. But, for a very brief moment, Tony Bua made us a little proud to be a fan. He gave us just one moment where we pulled our crestfallen faces from beer steins and said, "Wow".

I'm speaking of course of the "Tony Bua Hit" against the Rams. I bring this up purely for nostalgic purposes, and because I watch this at least twice a week for motivational purposes. Bua is currently with the Bengals but didn't see any action last year and hasn't recorded a tackle since '04.

It's a slow day for Dolphin news... if you're not counting Saban's "mistreatment" of one of his (former) Crimson Tide QBs. Crack that whip, coach.

Happy "Thank God Willis McGahee Isn't My Father" Day and Terms of Green's Deal

Happy Father's Day to all the good dads out there, one of which is our new starting tight end. I'll refrain from gushing about my own father on an Internet sports blog, but I will say that I am truly thankful for his endless love, insight and support. Thanks, Dude.

In other news, terms of Trent Green's deal can be found here. I can typically get through the first few sentences of these types of stories before getting nauseous. If you're like me and are easily confused, we can conclude that Green's contract is "very incentives based" and has "tremendous upside potential with low risk." Just say the following phrases when discussing the deal with your boys and they'll assume you're smarter and more football savvy than previously thought.

Enjoy your Sabbath rest.

Cursed?

Daunte Culpepper might be cursed. That or Florida drivers man their vehicles like idiots. Yeah, it's probably that last part.

At least he got a touch of good news from the Jags today. Congrats, Jacksonville. Due to Miami's long string of bad luck, C-Pep is bound by fate to have a stellar few years for you. Enjoy!

Grievances and Insulting My Fan-dom

Culpepper has filed a grievance. Ah, shucks. The news involving this little battle royale is in full supply, and the speculation is endless. It will end with Daunte done in Miami, so let's move on. Please.

Anyway, I had a few thoughts on Ethan Skolnick's column the other day. I make sure to read whatever he puts out there because, in my opinion, he's the best Phins reporter out there.

As the headline states, the fan sympathy for Daunte is quite "puzzling". Last season, he could have taken a dump on the 50-yard line to help fertilize the field, and that would have been more productive for the organization. Yet, most fans are quite sympathetic, which is fine. I, for one, admit that I feel for the guy. But enough about Daunte and I. I want Ethan to call me out as a fan.

"These are the some of the same fans, after all, who envy the Patriots, the undisputed leaders in inflexible stances."

Guilty. Next.

"These are some of the same fans who called Olindo Mare a whiner as he waited several agonizing weeks for the Dolphins to trade him after acquiring his replacement -- and who characterized that business as good rather than cold when it produced a sixth-round pick."

Nope. I liked and will always appreciate Olindo, even though he shat the bed last year. Next.

"These are some of the same fans who showed no sympathy to any number of Dolphins, with hard-playing Jay Fiedler earning 37 wins but no benefit. Just doubts and curses."

In regard to Fiedler, you got the doubts and curses part but forgot tantrums, death threats, drinking binges, smashed television sets, wall-punching fits, voodoo dolls and more tantrums.

In other news, the guys over at the Sun Sentinel are posting regular mini-cap recaps on their blog. At last, some on-the-field news. Enjoy.

Culpepper to Dolphins: "WTF, i thougth we were freinds :("

This week's quarterback overhaul is filled with about as much drama as a high school dance, and, as expected, Daunte took out his frustrations on Dolphins management (via e-mail, no less) after he learned he would be traded. Not so fast, says Mr. Culpepper. Pulling an "I Quit" before hearing "You're fired", he is now "aggressively" demanding to be released.

First, let's look at Daunte's choice of adverbs. "Aggressively" is too, well, aggressive. If he wants out as badly as he says he goes -- and on to greener football pastures like Detroit or the CFL -- he might want to scale it down a bit. May I suggest "casually" or "calmly" or be a sweetheart and ask "politely". Or if you want to pull at management's heart strings, go with "regrettably" or "mournfully" or "sadly" or even make one up -- "disappointfully".

Now he has called out the Saban administration (sort of) for being "impatient" in his recovery.

'I must say the impatience the organization displayed in both encouraging me to rush back on the field last year and then rushing me out the door this year is disappointing,'' Culpepper said in an e-mail. ``However, I understand that they have the right to make that business decision. It is now my turn to make some decisions.''

C'mon now, big guy. You wanted back on the field more than anyone. Do you not remember your televised interview with Suzy Kolber last year, when you told us of your speedy recovery through bright smiles? How you proudly donned a Dolphins visor and told America that there wasn't a better fit than Miami? That you would be ready for the season opener?

Saban has been blamed for a lot of things (OK, a ton of things), but, in my opinion, Culpepper's under-performance shouldn't be one of them. In a sense, it's no one's fault. All the blame falls on that damn knee of his.

Yet, he's on the practice field this Friday morning. Oh wait, check that. He's done already.

Yes, seeing Culpepper kicking stones on his way out of town will be a sad sight, especially since Miami was supposed to be his place of resurrection, his soapbox to yell out, "How do you like me now?" to the doubters. Maybe he can pull it off somewhere, and knowing our luck, that wouldn't surprise me a bit.

Trent Green almost positive the guys in Dolphin helmets are in fact his teammates

OK, so Trent Green has no idea who his teammates are.

Israel Gutierrez of the Miami Herald reports:

"He mentioned Chris Chambers. He got out Ronnie Brown's name. Then he went to Lorenzo Booker, a third-round draft pick who hasn't yet played a down for the Dolphins.

"And then there was a long silence. The type of uncomfortable, blank pause that can be explained by the fact that he had only been a Miami Dolphin for less than 24 hours at the time, but still was hardly an advertisement for a Dolphins offense that is supposedly poised to be turned around by first-year coach Cam Cameron."

The first few guys he named off the top of his head were Ronnie Brown -- OK, fair enough. He's the face of the offense -- and Lorenzo Booker? The third-round rookie running back. (From the conference transcripts: "Then you look at some of the young guys, Ronnie Brown and Lorenzo Booker they brought in. Did I say that right? Is it Lorenzo? Lorendo? Lauren? He's on the team, right? Lauren Booker. Like I'm not just making this up? Ah, hell, what's it matter. Hey, anybody see how the Dow did today?")

Is it just me or does anyone else think Trent caught yesterday's article while sweeping Miami's sports pages during an evidently short Dolphins 101 course?

Check out the Sun-Sentinel's transcription of the press conference here. Like all press conferences involving a new Dolphin quarterback, some reporter was bound to ask "How's it feel to try to fill Marino's shoes?" and Green's response was similar to that of the 10 QBs before him -- "Well, that's a great honor."

To be interpreted as: "You guys are still asking this question, huh? What is it...nearly a decade since his retirement? Well, what do you think? Oh yeah, it's a great honor. Kinda like having your head placed in a guillotine."

More Thoughts on Potential Daunte Deal

Clearly, I can't pull away from the Daunte news. Just some thoughts on a potential Culpepper trade. First off, what could the Phins possibly get for a QB who produced the following line last year:

2006 mia 4 81 134 60.4 929 6.9 2 3

How much is Daunte's 2004 season worth? That essentially is what is being offered here, the bait that Miami took -- the possibility of Culpepper producing another 39-touchdown year. I'm guessing some team out there (Another Florida team: Tampa, maybe?) will drop a sixth-rounder at the very highest. In rare instances when players are traded for other players, Culpepper could possibly pull a back-up defensive tackle, a wireless headset and can of cashews. Anything exceeding said deal should be considered a steal.

And, oh yeah, his knee is a mess.

It's unfortunate to have to swallow another draft-pick trade that didn't work out: Feeley came with the price of a second-rounder; Harrington went for a conditional sixth that turned into a fifth due to his Montana-like performance. (Makes me wonder what kind of conditions this trade included: "OK, fellas. We'll give you Harrington for a sixth, but if he throws more than 128 yards next year, you give us a fifth. Deal? That's what I thought, suckers. Now get the hell out of my office."); and now another second-rounder officially wasted.

And this is just at the quarterback position. I still yack a little when remembering the mid-season trade in 2004 involving Lamar Gordon for a third-rounder.

For a kick in the testicles, check out all of Miami's trades -- most notably those from the past six years -- here.

Culpepper and Wishful Thinking

You expected that news on Daunte would be quick following the trade for Trent Green, and like clockwork, Culpepper is already pleading his case. Word is he was approached by management, who notified him of their desire to trade him. No surprise there.

It sounds as if Daunte really wants to compete for the job. If anything, I got to give him credit for being determined to rebound from shredding his knee. He seems more than optimistic in his shot at competing with the other 26 QBs in camp and expects nothing but a spot on the roster. Though it seems awfully curious that he was cleared to practice the day the Dolphins made the move for Green.

Lorenzo Booker 101

Great article on rookie RB Lorenzo Booker over at the Miami Herald today. I don't know a ton about him, but it seems he's a got a bone to pick with his critics.

With Ricky's career pretty much over in Miami, Booker should get some solid reps. Earlier reports have him slated as a third-down back, but with Sammie Morris and Travis Minor gone, I would suspect Booker to contend for the No. 2 spot behind Ronnie. In 2005, we saw flashes of it, but could this be the beginning of a new dual-back system in Miami?

Green Traded to Phins

Well, I'll be damned. Trent Green's a Dolphin. The Sun-Sentinel is reporting that Green has officially been traded for a 2008 fifth-round pick that could become a fourth-rounder if he dominates, which is ... not to be completely cynical here but ... highly unlikely.

That Ol' Carl Peterson. That ol' stubborn curmudgeon got the Phins to yell "Mercy". Kudos, Carl. You ol' sonofagun.

Here we go. We got our potential opening-day starter. Though our "plan" was completely unconventional in that we're...eh...what?... a few days from the second mini-camp?

Our QB depth chart now looks like Green, Lemon and Beck. I would advise John Boy to not get comfortable on the bench. Something tells me he'll see some action whether Green performs well or not. As far as C-Pep, his fate with the Dolphins appears grim. I'm sure we'll be hearing a lot more of him in the next week or so.

OK, back to Green. He's 36. He nearly got his head taken off last year, and now he's running the show for a team that's gone through 10 QBs since Dan the Man (May I add, The Tan) left. Green's working with a revamped line that's been in the rebuilding stages since Moses parted the Red Sea, but this new, young, draft-built core should be the foundation for years to come. Apparently, teammates love the young cats and their work ethics. Granted, this means nothing to Green, who probably won't be around in two years anyway, but, hey, at least we're bringing in some new blood at a position that has desperately needed it.

For Chambers, Green is an obvious upgrade from Harrington, so I would assume he'll get some deep balls this year. Then again, we say this every year. Don't we?

I say, Great. Suit him up, and let's get started. Just keep Greeny from running out of the pocket, Cam.

This is Getting Old

Weekly Trent Green news: Miami is reportedly offering the Chiefs a conditional sixth-round pick. Here's the Herald's report. We'll call this the Joey Harrington Deal #2.

I don't really have all that much to say about the deal. However, the Dolphins' willingness in giving up draft picks for quarterbacks hasn't really worked out all that well in the past.