Ginn signs

Booya!

Real quick: I've read some of the comments on the Herald's Web site and some of them are classics, including this one:

"[Ginn] better be as good as Devin Hester or else, what a wasted draft pick."

In which I would respond with: Even if he did have a better year than Hester, Ginn WOULD STILL BE A F$%^ING WASTE OF A FIRST-ROUND DRAFT PICK!! YOU F$#%#ING IDIOT!!! HESTER WAS A F#&^ING SECOND-ROUNDER!!! YOU DRAFT F#$%ING SKILL POSITION PLAYERS IN THE F&*^ING FIRST ROUND, NOT F#$%ING KICK RETURNERS!

If everything works out the way it should, Ginn will prove his worth as a wideout.

David Sutton and Antonio Gates Syndrome

Receiver David Sutton has been mentioned a couple times in camp reports, and like Kerry Reed before him, I have no idea about this guy's qualities other than his size -- 6'6". The Sentinel has a feature on him today.

He, like the other "Who Dey?" receivers in camp -- Reed, Malone, Lofton -- are long shots, but they're making good on their first impressions and that's always a good thing. I wonder, though, if this is just blind optimism, that so-and-so has "the look" of a great receiver, yet will never make it past the practice squad.

I'm reminded of last year's camp in which the team had so much talent at the position that management was open to trading one or two of them. If I remember correctly, guys like P.K. Sam, Aromashodu and Vick were in the mix among a few others, and it appeared we'd be stacked with up-and-comers. Then that plan went in the shitter.

Anyway, seeing that Sutton was a star volleyballer -- a fact that was mentioned in the lede of this particular feature -- I'm curious as to how long it will take for some receiver, any receiver from any team who excelled in a collegiate sport other than football, to get Antonio Gates comparisons. Happens every year. Some long shot who kicked ass in hoops, volleyball, whatever, is suddenly an attractive option for the receiving corps. Seeing as Cameron coached Gates in SD, the Phins and their no-namers are vulnerable. Take heed.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Antonio Gates Syndrome:

A faceless GM and coach sit on one end of a long, freshly lacquered conference table. Strictly for humor sake, let's imagine they're holding hands:

GM: "How do our receivers look?"
Coach: "We got the size but no talent."
GM: "Hmm...I was up in Montana last year and saw this guy, think his name was Jimmy Dickballs. He went to Montana State. One hell of a bricklayer."
Coach: "Bricklayer, huh? He's gotta have good hands, right?"
GM: "...and ya know, that Gates from San Dee-yea-gah once played the basketball in college...never played college ball."
Coach: "No kiddin'?"
GM to secretary: "Samantha, get me Jimmy Dickballs on the phone."
Samantha: "Who?"
GM: "NOW!"

Plopped down in an over-sized easy chair, Fan 1 scans the Daily. "Taxes are up. Wars breaking out," he says aloud to himself as he shakes his head as if to say, Unbelievable. In the sports section, under "Transactions", a brief: Miami Dolphins sign BL Jimmy Dickballs. Terms undisclosed. Fan 1 lifts his eyeglasses from the tip of his nose and narrows in on the bit of news. He calls his Dolphin-superfan, also known as Fan #2.

Fan 1: "We signed Jimmy Dickballs. Who the hell is this guy?"
Fan 2: "Bricklayer from Montana State. Management says he has great hands."
Fan 1: "He didn't play ball in college?"
Fan 2: "Nope. But you know that Antonio Gates, the tight end from San Diego, he didn't play football either. Played basketball."
Fan 1: "Cam Cameron coached at San Diego."
Fan 2: "Exactly. This guy will be a superstar."
Fan 1: "Nice!"
Fan 2: "The Jets are looking for possession receivers, too. Heard they're hitting up every hair salon in the city. I'm telling ya, you don't have to play football to play professional football."
Fan 1: "Niccccccceeeeeeee."
Fan 2: "SEW-PER STAR!"
Fan 1: "NICCEEEEEE!!!!"

...and done.

From Camp...

Apparently, Lorenzo Booker is making a fool of himself returning punts in camp, but receiver Kerry Reed is looking dominant. If you're like me and have no idea who Reed is or how he ended up on the squad, have a look at some of his numbers, here. He signed as a free agent, by the way.

Also, this is officially the most news I've heard regarding a punter. It seems every reporter who has witnessed the greatness that is Brandon Fields can't help but mention his kicks. Ah, man! Maybe he's the next Louie Aguiar!

And finally, Ted Ginn calls Huizenga's bluff.

D-NiceNess Weekend Recap: Arrests and Polygamy

I just returned from a nice little Sabbatical to Pittsburgh, a trip fueled by scores of ballpark beers, old friends and a terrible Pirates team shut out by Woody Williams. But that's neither here nor there. I've since caught up on the latest Dolphin happenings.

Here's what I find either worthwhile, entertaining or both:

Man, the Dolphins are getting more criminal by the day. That's what I thought to myself when I read the headline "Campbell Drug Charges Put Dolphins Atop NFL Arrests". This after I laughed uncontrollably and attempted to chest bump a fellow library visitor (He denied my request...that jerk off). Seriously, I was only kidding when I said I wanted to see more Dolphins getting arrested. Apparently, Campbell's drug use and NOT his assumed love of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and patchouli is what led to his release.

Incidentally, Joey Porter was dinged 100 Ger for jacking Levi Jones in the kisser, but he was not suspended. Perfect. Nicely played.

Second-round pick and future hopeful John "Boy" Beck has officially signed with the team, and, in celebration of his signing, every man in Utah has added four more wives. Kudos, boys. At least when those white-shirted gentlemen show up on my front door pedaling the Book of Mormon, there's a slight possibility they'll be donning Beck replicas.

The Sun-Sentinel blog is full of training camp happenings that are updated quite frequently. For now, this is close as I get to witnessing the orgasmic thrill of 7-on-7 drills and "Reggie-Roby like skyscraping punts". God, I can't wait for the season to start.

I think Dan Le Batard is a major tool box. His writing is fine and dandy, but it's usually so f#$#ing smug that I feel compelled to write him a short, two-word e-mail. Something like "Kill Yourself", "Eat Me"or the always-effective,"You Suck". Add to that his PTI appearances -- where, to me, it seems as if Le Batard's only goal is to convince the world he doesn't actually suck but is merely a huge boner. His latest column got under my skin because (1) it's Le Batard writing about the Dolphins, (2) he uses a forced analogy involving scorned lovers, and (3) he's so f#$$ing right it makes me ill. Damn you.

Brief

Go get 'em, Joey! Don't forget your helmet!

I kid, I kid. In all seriousness, I'll always be a Joey Harrington supporter. Good luck to him.

In other news, second-round pick Samson Satele has signed.

C-Pep is Donzo

Culpepper is officially a goner. He referred to his release as a "victory" and waxed Ghandi to reporters.

How excited we once were to have C-Pep in teal and orange, and now he leaves quietly after four games of production, one of the bigger disappointments in my days of Dolphin fandom. In hindsight, what a terrible waste of a second-rounder, but, damn, it would have been nice if he healed up quicker.

Peace, God. One.

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged

Let's not judge Chris Chambers after his latest arrest. I agree. DWI is a serious offense, but he wasn't officially over the legal limit, and overall he's kept his proverbial nose clean throughout his career. Let's not judge him for that.

Let's judge Chris Chambers for being possibly the most overrated player in the game today and unable to "harness" all that talent we've been hearing so much about.

I don't want to come off as a Dolphin hater here. I like Chambers and route for him even when he's sucking, which is about 85 percent of the time. My skin just crawls when I read some variation of "Chambers is a talented receiver, although he hasn't always had the production to match his talent".

After seven seasons, let's stop sugar-coating it. It's possible that Chambers might suck. Gasp! His '05 campaign might have been a fluke. E-Gads! Maybe he's not a No.1 guy? Noooo!

Chambers Arrested, Heyoh!

I was gonna go out on the town last night, but I audibled at the last minute. If I would have not wussed out, I might have witnessed Chris Chambers getting arrested for DWI, speeding and reckless driving, which would have been both cool and a drag simultaneously.

This is Dolphin arrest No.3, and I'm getting giddy. My boy and yours, Joey Porter being the first and Fred Evans being numero dos. That means we need about a half-dozen other incidents and the Dolphins will sneak into Bengals Status. Good things are on the horizon for this team. I can feel it.

You, and by you I mean me, might remember my call for a Rapsheet Dolphin team. Hell, I'm so ready for more arrests I went ahead and made "Rapsheet Dolphins" a separate category. You think I'm being sarcastic, don't you? Well, you're absolutely right.

Driving While Impaired doesn't count. Speeding? Not impressed. Reckless Driving? We'll talk. Public Intoxication? Meh. Disorderly Conduct? I'll take it 9 times out of 10. Assault charges (discounting sexual assaults. Let's be slightly civil)? Yes, yes and yes.

Itching for the Preseason

What's up, Lou? It's been a ridiculously slow news week as far as the Dolphins are concerned. This, my friend, is expected. I guess I could comment on USA Today's Top 25 players of the last 25 years, a list in which your hero and mine, Dan Marino, didn't even make the top 10. Sure, whatever you say, USA Today. Gotta love some of the comments from readers, who must have referenced "How to Argue Against Marino on Pointless Comment Threads and Exude Football Savvy-ness" handbook. Said book is chronicled like this:

Chapter One: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Two: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Three: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Four: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Five: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Six: "He had bad knees."
Chapter Seven: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Eight: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Nine: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."
Chapter Ten: "He may have broken all the records, but he didn't win the big one."

Barry didn't even crack single digits. Wow. Who's got Blair Thomas at the No. 1 spot?

File this one under semi-old news: Saban is off to one FABULOUS start in Alabama. Barring any other future allegations like, say, contraband smuggling, Saban's return to the college game can't get much worse

Here's a glance at a few of the players available in the supplemental draft, courtesy of the Sun-Sentinel. You'll remember that we ditched a fifth-rounder for Manny Wright back in '05. Personally I don't see Cameron making any serious moves to get one of these guys. Doing so would be such a Wann-Stache move. Plus, seeing as more than a few of these guys have character issues or just can't seem to go get a gallon of milk without getting jailed, Coach will most likely pass.

Campbell Canned

Wide receiver Kelly Campbell got canned on Friday, which is a little surprising considering a number of Miami reporters (OK, maybe one or two) had been real impressed with his play during mini-camps. Some even said he was one of the better players in camp. Welp, smell ya later.

With Campbell nixed, that leaves Hagan, Az-Zahir Hakim and Ted Ginn the frontrunners to fill out the depth chart. Ginn isn't even close to touching the No. 3, according to reports, and Hakim is...a former Detroit Lion.

Ya think this move sticks Hagan in behind Chambers and Booker? It sure seems like it.

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Stop with the speculation! You're killing our chances, Don! But because this is a column from msnbc and not from, say, ESPN, this shaves only one game off our win/loss record.

Using a crazy sabermetric formula (see below) that I developed in my basement, we are currently -4 in wins for year. One more "The Dolphins Will Impress in '07" will put us out of the playoff hunt. Now knock it off.

No News is Good News

Noooooo!!

We were making such progress. No hype. No high expectations. No set-up for monumental failure... and then John Clayton had to come along and name Trent Green one of his "Five Players to Make a Difference" in '07.

His column easily shaves off three wins for Mr. Green. Thanks, John. What's next, projecting him as a Pro Bowler?

Happy Fourth.