Game 4: OAK @ MIA

As if a meeting between two heavyweights like the Raiders and Phins wasn’t enough, it looks like Knees Culpepper will make the start for Oakland. Does this have bad news written all over it or what? Karma will be on Daunte’s side, and we all know God AND His only begotten son are both unwavering supporters of the Patriots, hence Miami’s 10 years of weeping and the gnashing of teeth. (See, Pats fans, all those centuries of Puritanism really did pay off!)

On our side of the ball, Joey Porter has guaranteed a win. Add this to the C-Pep news and we have a hearty supply of shit to hit the proverbial fan in the event of a loss. However, Miami has a legitimate shot to run the table and, try to wrap your head around this, maybe even look impressive. With three games deep, Oakland’s defense is 27th in the league in average yards allowed (381.7) and 8th in average points allowed (27.7), so we’re not talking about the ’99-2000 Ravens here.

I say, let’s see some more “Ronnie Ball” ™. This is turn will keep our defense off the field and where they should be: On the sidelines and sucking oxygen out of tanks. Haven’t you heard? Our defense is old, and if you’re too stubborn to come to that realization, take it from an “insider” who knows the game’s ins and outs, a veteran whose insights and talents have built a consistent playoff contender. Someone like a Cleveland Browns scout.

And, finally, it's still uncertain whether Zach Thomas will make the start on Sunday.