Friday, July 27, 2007

David Sutton and Antonio Gates Syndrome

Receiver David Sutton has been mentioned a couple times in camp reports, and like Kerry Reed before him, I have no idea about this guy's qualities other than his size -- 6'6". The Sentinel has a feature on him today.

He, like the other "Who Dey?" receivers in camp -- Reed, Malone, Lofton -- are long shots, but they're making good on their first impressions and that's always a good thing. I wonder, though, if this is just blind optimism, that so-and-so has "the look" of a great receiver, yet will never make it past the practice squad.

I'm reminded of last year's camp in which the team had so much talent at the position that management was open to trading one or two of them. If I remember correctly, guys like P.K. Sam, Aromashodu and Vick were in the mix among a few others, and it appeared we'd be stacked with up-and-comers. Then that plan went in the shitter.

Anyway, seeing that Sutton was a star volleyballer -- a fact that was mentioned in the lede of this particular feature -- I'm curious as to how long it will take for some receiver, any receiver from any team who excelled in a collegiate sport other than football, to get Antonio Gates comparisons. Happens every year. Some long shot who kicked ass in hoops, volleyball, whatever, is suddenly an attractive option for the receiving corps. Seeing as Cameron coached Gates in SD, the Phins and their no-namers are vulnerable. Take heed.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Antonio Gates Syndrome:

A faceless GM and coach sit on one end of a long, freshly lacquered conference table. Strictly for humor sake, let's imagine they're holding hands:

GM: "How do our receivers look?"
Coach: "We got the size but no talent."
GM: "Hmm...I was up in Montana last year and saw this guy, think his name was Jimmy Dickballs. He went to Montana State. One hell of a bricklayer."
Coach: "Bricklayer, huh? He's gotta have good hands, right?"
GM: "...and ya know, that Gates from San Dee-yea-gah once played the basketball in college...never played college ball."
Coach: "No kiddin'?"
GM to secretary: "Samantha, get me Jimmy Dickballs on the phone."
Samantha: "Who?"
GM: "NOW!"

Plopped down in an over-sized easy chair, Fan 1 scans the Daily. "Taxes are up. Wars breaking out," he says aloud to himself as he shakes his head as if to say, Unbelievable. In the sports section, under "Transactions", a brief: Miami Dolphins sign BL Jimmy Dickballs. Terms undisclosed. Fan 1 lifts his eyeglasses from the tip of his nose and narrows in on the bit of news. He calls his Dolphin-superfan, also known as Fan #2.

Fan 1: "We signed Jimmy Dickballs. Who the hell is this guy?"
Fan 2: "Bricklayer from Montana State. Management says he has great hands."
Fan 1: "He didn't play ball in college?"
Fan 2: "Nope. But you know that Antonio Gates, the tight end from San Diego, he didn't play football either. Played basketball."
Fan 1: "Cam Cameron coached at San Diego."
Fan 2: "Exactly. This guy will be a superstar."
Fan 1: "Nice!"
Fan 2: "The Jets are looking for possession receivers, too. Heard they're hitting up every hair salon in the city. I'm telling ya, you don't have to play football to play professional football."
Fan 1: "Niccccccceeeeeeee."
Fan 2: "SEW-PER STAR!"
Fan 1: "NICCEEEEEE!!!!"

...and done.

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